New Year's resolutions, what's yours? I was telling the bubs the other day I didn't think I was going to make any. I have great intentions, but they seem to go to the wayside pretty quickly. As I was reading different blogs and their resolutions, I came across one I really liked. This blogger had a reader leave a comment about how she doesn't make resolutions. She actually picks a world and focuses in on it for the year. I loved that idea! As I was thinking about what word I could apply this year, several things came to mind. The one that really stood out? Commitment. So, for 2010 I am going to focus in on being more committed whether it's at home, work, church, etc. I had a friend do this a little while ago. Her word was simplify. I don't think I'm quite there yet...maybe I can commit to simplifying next year?? Anyway, as I was thinking about what commitment really means, it reminded me of the marriage counseling session the bubs I went to before Christmas. There have been several people I'm very close to announce recently they were either getting a divorce or going through a separation. When a particularly good friend told me she and her husband had separated, it totally freaked me out. At my work we contract out with a company that does employee assistance....things like counseling, financial help, help with weight loss, etc. As this assistance is free, I thought why not take advantage of it and meet with a marriage counselor? On the advice of a couple of friends, we chose to meet with Rich. Love him. When we first sat down, he asked us why we were there. I told him my reasoning first and then he looked at the bubs. Bubs just simply looked at him and gave him an analogy I loved...."When you buy a new car, it runs great. You know you don't have to worry about it breaking down. You do, however, have to worry about maintaining the car. Regular oil changes, a new battery...the little things you do to make sure that later down the road the car doesn't have major problems or even completely die on you." Rich's eyes lit up....I later found out he LOVES it when couples come in for preventative marriage counseling. He also told me that I was a walking statistic just waiting to happen (umm....okay?) My parents and grandparents on both sides are divorced, so it lowered my chances of staying married significantly (did you know in Utah the divorce rate is over 60%? Yeah, me neither). It was really interesting to hear Rich talk about marriage, but especially about marriage in the church (he's also LDS). All in all, it was a great session. As I later told the bubs, we have a pretty good marriage. Sure, there are stresses and sometimes we can't help but fight. But, overall I think we're pretty good. The counseling can only make it better, at least I think. So, we made another appointment (hey, it's free, why not?) Anyway, one significant point Rich made during the session that leads me back to my original topic and resolutions, was commitment. He asked us why we thought our great-grandparents and past generations stayed together. It wasn't because they particularly liked each other some of the time, it was because they were COMMITTED to each other. Yes, they lived in a different world than we do now, but they had that strong commitment and saw it through until the end. I haven't seen that type of commitment much in my life. The one couple who strongly stands out in my mind are the bubs grandparents on his mom's side (that's who's in the picture above....aren't they cute?) They were together through thick and thin and truly loved each other. Not only were they committed to each other, they were happy together, which is rare. Towards the end of his grandfather's life, they had to put him in a care center because it go to be too much for his grandma. I'm sure it killed her to have him not only gone, but not able to serve him and take care of him anymore. But, she made the regular trips to see him and show him not only her commitment to him, but also her love. This couple is my inspiration of how I want the bubs and I to be. I want our grandchildren to be able to come to our home and see how much grandma and grandpa love each other. I want them to be able to see what a committed, happy marriage is like.
So here's my question to you.....what's your resolution or your word? Also, how do YOU keep your marriage alive and happy?
4 comments:
Marisa, I love this post. Grandma and Grandpa truly were commited, but I had to laugh in the later years, they drove eachother NUTS!Always bickering and in front of us! This just goes to show that no marriage is perfect. But they loved eachother and were comitted. I look to them as an example as well. On marriage and parenting.
I have no insight on how Derrick and I keep our marriage blissfully happy. We lucked out that we are two extremely compatible people. Maybe Heavenly Father knew that if it were any other way, I wouldn't handle it being that I am such a stubborn and pig headed person.
Great post!!! I didn't realize the stats you shared. My parents are divorced and my dad more than once. Interesting! I love that you are preventing problems by attending counseling. Smart girl. As for what do I do to keep my marriage strong, I try everyday to serve Will. It is so easy when you have kids to just let your spouse fend for themselves, so I make an effort each day to something just for him: make his lunch, make his breakfast, warm up his car, make his favorite treat, something to show I love him.
Great idea about the word....need to give that some thought, but "consistency" would be one that I would choose for me! Happy New Year! You are awesome, btw.
maris-i love love love this post. very touching and thought provoking-especially today as i am reading it on our anniversary. i guess my stats aren't that great either but i'm sure we will all be fine. we love love you guys and miss ya! btw-my word is laundry (this is somewhat a joke but serious) i'm going to make it a point to find a way to fold it and put it away before the munchins-namely one...J can get to it and throw it on the floor!
Wow Marisa, this has been one of the best blog posts I've read! I think it's great that you and Alan are going to preventative marriage counseling. I've told Kirk before that I admire you and Alan's marriage. You always seem so happy and loving towards eachother..always showing affection and giving compiments. I sure love you guys!! I would say that Kirk and I are very committed to eachother. We've had some tough times and been through a lot, but I made those covenants in the temple, and I intend on keeping them..divorce is not an option for me.
My word...not too sure. I guess maybe humble. I really do need to work on that.
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